Do any Muslim Feminists support polygyny? Or is it always seen as being negative for women?
I feel like I'm sitting in the middle of a river......in between both banks of opposing views. I would like to do a lot to help women in oppressive situations but I feel like no one will take me seriously because of my stance on polygyny....
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7 comments:
That's a good question. I think polygyny is one of those things that you really can't cut one way. It always depends on the people (mainly the man, imho) and then situation. You have lots of Muslim women who are anti feminism who are strong supporters of polygyny, many will call themselves some name attaching themselves to the sunnah, yet a lot of these same women are themselves in oppressive situations with their men far from the true Sunnah and no sane Muslim, male or female, would want to live their life. And then you have a lot of Muslim feminists and supporters who are staunchly against polygyny and talk about how archaic and anti women it is but when you take a good look at their lives they are usually the Muslims who are lacking a lot in terms of understanding even the basics of the Sunnah. Are there Muslims in the middle like Allah instructs us to be? Ofcourse there are. But I don't think you'll find them under any pseudo titles...
I am a Muslim and I also consider myself a feminist. As such, I support a woman's right to choose polygyny for herself. What I would like to see, though, is 100% truth and transparency when dealing with polygyny, not to mention absolute equality regarding time and money. With those things guaranteed and all parties being completely informed, then why should I care to interfere?
The reality is Sister Jamilah, I have never known of a polygynous relationship that does fit those criteria. In all cases I know of either the man did not properly inform his first wife or his second wife before starting the marital process, or he doesn't practice srupulous division of time and financial support. And therein lies the problem.
Salaam Alaikum,
PM
Assalamu Alaikoum,
I knew I'd get into trouble here because of definitions of what exactly a Muslim feminist is! i remember having this discussion on my old blog with both of you I think.
I was wondering about Muslim writers who consider themselves Feminists. I'd be interested to hear a pro-polygny argument from this perspective(or at least a neutral position). I'm tired of reading things from the 'all women are precious jewels whose suffering will bring them Jennah' perspective, if i see another polygyny site covered in pink roses i think i will gag.
So I guess in this sense, I'm looking at theory, not practice PM...I agree, but I do know of one man who has done it properly...I'm friends with his wife(no.1), but i think they are few and far between.
The current question 4 me is, how in first place a man can approach Polyginy? Since in Islam, Talking (extensively)to a woman whos not his wife or muhreem is Haram, looking at woman with attraction ...lower your gaze..haraam, so the only possible way for a man to marry is through his mother, sister or first wife...
The sunnah is to marry another to save her from war-raped, poor woman/widdow/orphan that no man would marry, Not marry because of pure libido...
And for real can a normal man can be fair 100% by heart (feeling)?
What's sad is sometime they abbandoned the "wajib", do the "haram" in order to make the sunnah:(
Assalamu Alaikoum Umm Ibrahim,
You are right, men shouldn't be talking to women extensively, but they do! What interests me is if it is not practiced as a Sunnah, then is it still halal? I don't mean if it is not practiced in exactly the same way as the Prophet and his companions because no one can live up to them, but rather practiced in the same spirit, with the intention to do it as Sunnah and a quick remedying of situations if they fall too far short of the ideal. ie. that an imam could look at the practice of most of the men involved in these polygamy blogs we read and say 'yes, polygamy is halal, but your practice of it is not, improve. i don't know how much further it could be taken, i doubt a marriage could be nulled because of mispractice as their are plenty of monogamous marriages that don't live up to the Sunnah but they are never seen as invalid.
I'm with PM, if a woman wants to enter into a polygynous relationship than no problem but I think there needs to be full disclosure and none of this absurd "you don't need to tell the first wife" nonsense.
And like Um Ibrahim from what I've seen most guys like to talk about polygyny only so they can flirt and see other women behind their wife's back. Which has always struck me as displaying extremely poor manners and character and if he does than to wife number one, he will do that to me when he is looking for wife number three or four.
I almost entered in a polygynous marriage but backed out kinda of last minute because ultimately I didn't feel safe or like I would be treated equally depite the good intentions of the suitor because he was legally married to the first wife and polygyny is illegal in our country of residence.
I tend to avoid definitions too, just wanting to see myself as a Muslim, because as Muslims we have to care about each other and not deny anyone their rights. Before Islam, I saw myself as a Feminist but after I converted i was careful with the term because i saw it being specifically tied up with Western history. But now i look at it in much broader terms as a definition that implies a search and fight for fairness and justice for women and a means of examining and disempowering the structures that prevent women from achieving this. in my opinion women are oppressed all over the world, in the West and in the East, but most particularly in the developing world. So I think there is a need for Muslim women to use feminism as a tool for exploring what the Islamic message really means for us instead of just trying to squeeze ourselves into the boxes made by men. That being said, it needs to be an Islamic Feminism because our position differs in many ways from that advocated by some Western Feminists.
Aah polygyny! Well as you know I'm in a polygnous marriage even if it's not currently functioning as one. But that doesn't mean that I agree with it being practiced badly. In fact, I hate to see how it is abused. You make some very good points about the state of the Umma and what we should be focusing on. i have a lot to say about this, so inshaAllah i'll post about it soon.
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